These are questions they don’t have the answer to at the Family History Library in Salt Lake City.

Family historians sometimes ask relatives questions at family functions. Here are some you might want to think twice before asking–or maybe put at the top of your list (if that’s how you roll):

• Which cousin can you not tolerate and why?
• What was the most disastrous family get together you ever attended?
• Which in-law do you never want to see again?
• What’s the real reason Uncle Bob and Aunt Norma are never in the same room?
• Why did Aunt Gert spend a year in Topeka?
• What food do you absolutely hate at Thanksgiving?
• What saying of your parents can you absolutely not stand?
• What is the one thing your spouse does that drives you nuts?
• There has to be one more thing your spouse does that drives you nuts. What is it?
• How come we always have to eat dinner at Aunt Wanda’s?
• How come we never talk about Uncle Walter?
• Why does Uncle Leon’s nose not look like anyone else’s?

A genealogy colleague sent me back these (she wishes to remain anonymous):

• Why does Uncle Fred smell like bourbon, even before the party starts?
• How long do you think it will be before Uncle Fred says something inappropriate? (since this will likely occur within the first hour, please state your answer in minutes)
• How long will it take after dinner before Grandpa unbuttons his pants?
• How long before Grandma smacks him and tells him to button his pants?

Feel free to post additional suggestions. If they are clean, we’ll add them. If they are not, well…