It can be difficult to let go, but sometimes we need to.
That story Grandma told you about your great-great-grandmother being a Cherokee princess? That story Uncle Merle told you about his father being a stowaway in 1900 on a boat land that landed at Ellis Island? That conclusion about Henry being the father of “your Thomas” that you reached early in your research and now appears to be completely wrong?
It may be time to let those stories and conclusions go.
The problem is that some of us are emotionally attached to the stories and the individuals who told us those stories. We cared about Grandma and Uncle Merle and now, if we admit the story they told us is not true, we are somehow being unfaithful to their memory, denying our family heritage, getting above our raising, and getting just a little bit too big for our britches. That’s not true. We can record the story that we were told (clearly indicating who told it, when they told it, and that we cannot find any evidence to support it–if that’s the case) and go on. It doesn’t mean Grandma or Uncle Merle were bad people–they most likely were telling a story they had heard before.
And for some of us it can be just as difficult to admit that conclusions we reached early in our research are incorrect. We can be emotionally invested in those conclusions (even if they are wrong) and in the stories about our ancestors we have made from those conclusions. But if a review of our early conclusions indicates there’s not really support for them, then it’s time to let them go.
It’s not the end of the world to have made a mistake. All genealogists make mistakes in the early days of their research. Those who say they never made a mistake are probably making the mistake of lying.
Check those assumptions you have about stories you have been told. Is it possible the story is wrong?
Check those conclusions you reached early in your research. Review them, re-evaluate the information you located and determine if new information is available. Even if it turns out that you were right, you might make a discovery that’s been overlooked in those years since you made your initial conclusion.
15 Responses
My grandma told me the story that her younger brother John died in a quicksand accident at age 16. His brothers tried to save him, but couldn’t.
That was a story I hoped to verify when I started researching – and I did when I found his death certificate on line: he died when his appendix ruptured! I guess she was trying to scare me into less risk taking on my forays out along the river… lol, it had no effect…
The story that another relative told me – that one of my great aunts was shot by a boarder at the dinner table when she was only 8, injured not killed – is one I can’t prove – yet! No hospital or police incident record. But I did find that the family stopped running their boarding house about that time. In Philadelphia, in the 1890’s. Sure wish it had been a small town that wrote human interest stories like that…
To me, tracking down the old stories, or trying to find supporting historical documentation to lend them belief, or disbelief, is half the fun of genealogy!
Thanks for all the ways you make us think and rethink what we are researching.
My mother always told us that our great grandmother was half Indian. I have never been able to find any proof of that. I recently found her living with her remarried mother in the census. She is listed as white. Upon further investigation, I found her parents marriage license and eventually found out that her family was from North Carolina in the same county that I now live in. I am really looking forward to doing some hands on investigating on that branch of the family now.
Leslie, in case you’re not QUITE ready to let go of your Native American roots, have no fear. For a very long time, some census takers were classifying Native Americans as “white” even though they weren’t. My family is one of them. Upon doing an ancestry.com AND a 23andme ethnic dna test, we found that my mother is indeed 25% Native American. In the Southwest, the tribes also kept lists of their members – maybe you could look into this for your family!
There is a family legend about an inheritance that some family members still believe. I am thankful for the stories because there are a lot of documented facts about how people were related to her. As the saying goes don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.
Oh how I dread having an applicant for DAR come to me with a family legend embedded in a family history that gives a false rank to their Revolutionary ancestor. Some of these ancestors embellished quite freely the rank they held. Similar to the Kentucky or other state “Colonels”. So hard to tell someone that what was written about their ancestor doesn’t match the military record in the National Archive.
My husband’s family had some Southern Illinois bootleggers among them, so when we found out one of them died of gunshot woulds, we scoured for any juicy tale we might be able to find of misadventure. I finally found the death certificate on my last trip to the FHL. The man had been out hunting and rested his gun on a fence he was climbing over. The gun fell over and shot him. So, misadventure….but not so glamorous…
My great grandmother told me that when she was little and living in Lapwiai, Idaho, that one day her dad was mad at her and she hid under her bed because she was afraid that he would go to Chief Joseph and trade her for a pinto pony. I put it in the family history and them I can’t find any evidence for her claim.
I was at a genealogy conference that if everyone who claimed their relative protected George Washington there wouldn’t of been anyone to fight the British.
I had to let go of assumptions that my late father had held about our family like when I went to Macoupin County,IL to find my great great great grandfather Swofford . I went for William T. Swofford and came home with Hiram Swafford! So I have learned to make assumptions and change them if I have to.
Boy, do I know somebody who does this ! And even passes down what she was told. Your right, that NEED to hang onto that because the person who told them is important to them and they see them in a different light than others do. I don’t bother getting upset about it because I have my documented proof and she has her stories. Both are happy !
Personally, I discovered the opposite. The reality was far more interesting than any familly stories. Perhaps my forebears lacked imagination.
Sometimes watered down stories are what is passed down–depending on how colorful the actual story really was.
There was a story in our family about my greatgrandfather fighting a “long legal battle to right a wrong”, which sounded so romantic that I didn’t believe it. … until we found seven years of newspaper articles about it and eventually found the court records which show it was all true! I doubt that the baddie ever paid my greatgrandfather what the court awarded him, but I guess the wrong was righted to some extent.
My dad thought his paternal grandfather had immigrated from Germany but my brothers research says it was his grandfather’s great-grandfather!!
Our family has for some time suspected aboriginal heritage. One of the main reasons is being of French Canadian descent from families who have been in Canada a long time. The odds are very high. A few years ago we were given what could be considered proof. One of my nephews has what his dentist describes as, “a dental deformity unique to a specific native band in eastern Canada”.
Oh, that’s worth further investigation! How interesting.